For the first time (literally) in my whole life, I just had the weirdest reaction to seeing a remodel in progress... instead of feeling the excitement, the urge to remodel something myself in our home or starting to ooo and ahh over the plans and hope of the beautiful ending; I simply got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I felt so overwhelmed I wanted to cry. And it wasn't MY remodel!
Boy was that different.
I grew up in constant transition of remodeled houses. From the time I was 1 year old until I moved out when I was 18, we lived in 4 different homes, only 1 of which was bought and left 'as is' while we lived there, and that is only because we lived there just 1 1/2 years before the lifestyle of a big city, neighbors on top of neighbors and burglaries in our neighborhood made my Dad say, "This isn't for us!" and moved us to a small, safe and family-centered town in the middle of the state. The house we moved into by the way was completely ripped apart down to... well, I would say 'the stud' but honestly, even most of those came out. We didn't have an outside wall at one point, and no floor at all during another. An attic door upstairs opened to the air (and a 20 foot drop to the kitchen floor below) during another stage.
And yes, sheets were hung as makeshift walls during another. (For the record my Dad sent my Mom and us kids to stay with Grandma for 2 weeks during the portion of remodeling that included the 'no floor' and straight drop to the old unfinished, concrete floor of the basement below).
Even throughout my own marriage I've always jumped in feet first to any remodel, project or new idea...
So why this sudden stomach churning reaction to seeing the chaos, mess and clutter of a fellow bloggers kitchen project?
I have no idea!?
I just had the sudden feeling of being overwhelmed and that it would never end, and I'd be living in that chaos for a couple months and how sick to my stomach it made me feel.
And it's NOT my kitchen. I don't even know this blogger in real life and I am pretty sure she lives half a country away.
I guess it's an instinctive gut reaction telling me to not even THINK about any major remodel to our home right now. That emotionally and physically, perhaps we've had FAR TOO MUCH else going on in our lives for the last year or so and that I need a bit of a break before embarking on another round of chaos and confusion?
Ha ha. I don't know.
But we DO have a bunch of Autumn projects that MUST BE DONE as soon as we gather up enough stray nickles and pennies and hundreds of dollars to get them done. Most of the priorities are 'outside' issues... left ignored for about 2 years now. So... now have become a priority.
But I AM having to decorate the master bedroom soon.
Because we've lived here now for 4 years and that bedroom is still wondering what it wants to be when it grows up.
I've hated everything I've attempted to do with it (because I never actually had the money to DO anything with it, really) but I bought ONE FOCAL PIECE for the wall that I love and am going to build the decor around that.
I have a feeling that once I actually DO this, perhaps fate will tell us it's time to relocate again. Which, assuming it's to a place I'd actually like to go, wouldn't be a bad thing!